One time in high school when I think I was in grade 9, we were all in the gym for some sort of assembly.
We all filed in; everyone seating themselves on the pull-out bleachers as the generic high school popularity hierarchy dictates. Cool people there, not-so-cool people here. The in-betweens, well… they sat in between.
I found myself sitting one row above and to the right above the VERY COOL GIRLS. Directly below me, about two rows was a girl named Emma. I was generally ambivalent about Emma. I eagerly desired to be one of the VERY COOL GIRLS, but as I have said before, my high school career was at best a function in trying (and failing) to fit in and then me just giving up and accepting that high school popularity wasn’t meant for me.
But I digress. My buddy sitting next to me (another one of the NOT SO VERY COOL GIRLS) said something to me and I guffawed loudly, and unknowingly spit my gum out of my mouth. It sailed through the air and landed smack dab in the middle of Emma’s pseudo 80s girl mullet.
She reached back and touched the gum and I…. I (was and am one of those people who laugh at the most inappropriate times) collapsed into a fit of laughter that my inner I WANT TO BE COOL self started trying her damndest to get me to shut the fuck up. But no. Giggles and mirth issued forth, like a real asshole I kinda sorta was.
All the VERY COOL GIRLS noticed (naturally) and gave me a variety of dirty sneers and looks that only meant one thing.
My entrance to their club was NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.
My giggles petered off, the assembly went on, I approached Emma after and tried to help her get the gum out of her hair. SO hey, Emma… wherever you are, girl I am so sorry…. I hope the peanut butter I suggested worked…
And I… I still laugh at the most inappropriate times.