His big brown eyes gaze into mine, expressing what he cannot say. He can speak volumes with his eyes. I know how much he loves me, I feel how thankful he is for all that I do for him. And dare I think he smiles at me? Oh yes, he does. He grins for me, his eyes shining with adoration. My hear melts, my love in return holds no bounds. He gives me his entire heart and soul and I am so grateful for it. He makes me a better person.
He is my dog, my pal, my best friend. He protects my children, chases bears, amuses us with tricks and antics. He gives and gives from such a deep well of truth. This soul, this animal I have in my life, this giver of unconditional love: he makes our lives a more well-woven tapestry of connectivity. He listens so well. Tutter The Mutter makes our lives complete.
The deep and agonizing sadness is how we are seeing him age. His hips bother him now after a big walk. He lays down willingly for a massage, somehow knowing it helps him feel better. In fact, when we pull the old massager out, he runs and pushes us out of the way in hopes of being the recipient. He can’t go on long quad rides anymore since sitting on the back seat is just too hard for him. Telling him he has to stay home when he hears the bikes fire up is like tearing out his heart. His head droops, he sighs and he walks away, reluctantly accepting his family is doing what he loves without him. It’s too much to bear, this canine sadness.
But just whisper the word “walkies” to him and he is giddy with glee. We meander now, letting him lead the way with sniffies and peeing on every tree he can find. And when we tell him to “load up” into the truck or car, he does so and nothing and nobody could pry him out of that vehicle. Beach trips are his favourites, trips to Opa’s farm are his favourites, BBQs at my sister’s so he can play with their dog Kenai are his favourites… well, anything to do with all of us being together is his favourite. Wouldn’t it be lovely to live with such expressive joy and complete abandon and totally in the moment like a dog? His joy is our joy.
A life without a dog boggles my mind. I cannot imagine being without my canine pal. The settling dread of his life nearing his end is haunting me now more than ever. This is when I dig deep and give him everything he needs. Not a day goes by without him getting extra love and attention from us. Bones to gnaw on, a good brushing, extra cookies now and then. I give and give and give to my dog, my sweet Tutter, because I know it will never ever equal to what he has given me.