I see you. Or rather, I can sense you there. Lurking just around the corner. Waiting to embrace me in your arms, whether I want it or not. Waiting to lead me down an unknown path, to a new chapter of my own destiny.
I can’t stop you, and nor do I want to. I’m not afraid of you. I’ve been waiting for you; I have conceded to allow you to come into my life with no fight. In fact, I will welcome you, and brave the world with you. It’s not surrender, nor am I relinquishing my will against you. You are an unstoppable force, and I now know I need to submit my will against your imminent arrival.
I’ll re-write what you mean to me. I will redefine my own characterization of what you are. I will be proud of you and love you. I will honour you and all that you represent. And I will also kick your ass.
Do you hear me, Forty? Yeah, I’m talking to YOU. 40. The big Four-Oh. Over the hill. Lordy Lordy….
My last ten weeks of my thirties are stretched before me, much like that last bit of a race. I am almost anxious to get there, to get it over with, to reap the rewards of reaching a milestone. But I linger and dally, wanting to savour the last taste of being 30-something.
I am kind of excited to get there. To celebrate the privilege of living for forty years on this glorious planet. To hope that I get AT LEAST another forty, if not more to live to my fullest, healthiest, most exuberant self. And to prove to the world that 40 doesn’t mean OLD. It doesn’t mean that weird, cloudy and undefined existence somewhere between youth and middle age. To prove, mostly to myself, that becoming someone in their 40’s means wisdom, sexiness, mindfulness and authentic living. No more foolhardy rashness of youth. No more silliness of self-hate and disrespect of my own body.
Getting older is useless to complain about. Yes, being bittersweet about the loss of plump smooth cheeks, taut skin and high proud breasts is normal. I too, mourn the loss of elasticity. But I cannot and I will not be mired down in any self-pity.
There is so much to look forward to.
Most of all, one hell of a party!