Oh Oprah.

15 11 2010

Every once in a while, amidst cramps or the flu or just general laziness, I might find time during the day to flip on the television for a rare indulgence in daytime TV. Out of habit, more or less, I’ll check out what’s on Oprah.

Her topics range from helping starving Africans, to weight-loss techniques, to gift-fest giveaways that make the average 40-year-old white housewife orgasm in her easy-chair.

And it never EVER fails to make me want to punch myself in the face.

First off, she constantly interrupts her guests. It drives me crazy. Someone who has suffered years of abuse or horrific trauma will be telling their story, only to have Almighty Oprah bust in to re-tell the circumstance or better yet, explain for the masses what is really going on. I wonder if some of the guests don’t want to haul off and slap her face sometimes. Yes Oprah, you HAVE indeed heard it all… That doesn’t mean you need to always commandeer the conversation. Here’s a radical thought for you: Most people have minds of their own and don’t need you to explain to them what is going on. You’re like that annoying beotch in the theatre that is explaining the plot of the movie to her friend next to you. Guess what Oprah? EVERYONE HATES THAT PERSON. Oh, and one time when I was watching a show of hers, she made the comment (paraphrased) that “Only in America can someone come from destitution and rise to greatness.” Uh, yeah. Hate to break it to you, honey, but Americans don’t have the stronghold of dreams coming true….. My eyes damn near rolled out of my head when I heard that one.

Secondly, your disregard for the simple things in life is astounding. I get that you’re richer than Jesus. But flabbing your gums about your favorite moisturizer or 8 bajillion thread-count sheets made from some rare Egyptian llama that cost more that I make in seven years doesn’t make me want to rush out to buy them… it only make me wonder where your priorities are. You are a greedy consumer who doesn’t think about the consequence of your actions, OR the environmental backlash.

Thirdly and lastly…. Actually, I don’t really have a third point. The first two sum it up just fine.

I for one, won’t miss you one bit after your last show next year. I won’t be signing on for your new network, which I am sure will be rife with self-adulation and pompous self-righteous back-patting.

I realize that I sound mighty cynical. And after the last round of “Oh God, Why Did I Turn On Oprah” makes me re-think picking up that remote when I’m laying on the couch. She DOES make millions of people happy. She fulfills lives, offers hope, inspires and gets people to read.

Yet I can’t shake the feeling that her ratings are what matter, and not really the message.