Resolutions….

31 12 2009

Today is the last day of 2009. Back in my childhood, the thought of the year 2010 conjured up for me visions of cars that could fly and robots that did housework.  In retrospect, apparently The Jetsons had a lot of influence over me.

So. Like many people, as the new year dawns, I think about what I can change about myself. I deeply believe in becoming a better person in my own spirit and have gone through many mind-opening revelations about my own true self in the past several years. It is always an uphill climb. But so worth it. I think I have become more aware, more empathetic, more kind, more loving, more open.

However. I still curse like a motherf*cking, drunken-*ss, sh*t-kicking redneck.

It was easier to quit smoking than to quit cursing. Really.

See, when you smash your finger in a drawer, or drop a full plate of food on your clean floor, or discover you shrunk your new sweater in the wash, nothing… and I mean nothing sums that feeling up better than a good ol’ fashioned expletion of “MOTHERFUCK!!!!!!” Sometimes, I throw in a “Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ” or perhaps a PG 13 “Goddamnit”. Smatterings of “Shit” and “Cock knocker” are like a pressure release valves on my temper. I have even been known to use the dreaded C word.

For a while there, I tried using the phrase “For five cents” to alleviate any frustrations I had. Soon, like a junkie, that was no longer good enough for me, and I doctored it to be “For five fucking cents”. Much like the saying “Shut the front door!” to offset the overuse of swearing became “Shut the front fucking door!”, which, in my opinion has such an exquisite roll off the tongue.

I have sworn in front of my children. More than once.

I am making small baby-step gains in this though. Last week, I did something stupid that normally would merit an extravagant torrent of cussing. Instead I let forth a “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE” at the top of my lungs. My daughter later told me she was proud that I didn’t say the F word. Truthfully, saying fudge just doesn’t feel the same…. But as I look closely at my self, I know that this terrible and horrible habit of mine needs to be fixed.

So, 2010 is the year I try to not swear. Or not swear as much. And especially not swear in front of my kids anymore.

Wish me luck, for fuck’s sake.

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10 responses

31 12 2009
katya

that awesome, I’m gonna have to borrow for five cents, thats great. Good luck a hole!

31 12 2009
Kris

You’re a true friend, you sh*tdisturber…. 🙂

31 12 2009
BodyForWife

This was FUCKING hilarious!

Can I ever identify with it too. And we’ve got the Jesus freak neighbour kids over at our house all the time so I have to be extra careful. I really like saying motherfucker because it gives me time to interrupt it if kids are around: “motherfuuudge!”

I think I’ve retired from writing reptard stories, which should help in cutting down on the swearing.

31 12 2009
Kris

Thanks James.

31 12 2009
Ab

You crack me the fuck up!!

Good luck with your resolution. I resolve this year to be a non-resolver.

Love ya!

1 01 2010
Kris

Love you too! And no resolutions are a good thing!

1 01 2010
Annick

The nice thing for me is that I can get great release from swearing in french! Which is great, ’cause the kids still don’t know what it all means! Sometimes when they misbehave I give them shit in french… it feels so good!!!!!

2 01 2010
Kris

Mon Dieu! Tabernacle!

9 01 2010
JenJen

Grrrr. This is a bad habit of mine, too. I try to swear in Italian, but it just doens’t have the same ooomph!

9 01 2010
Kris

Nothing packs a punch like the F-bomb…..

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