Aging and all of its surprises. (A humoristic point of view)

20 11 2009

I’m on the cusp of 39…. I have 4 more months to go before that last golden year of my thirties. You know, before I kick 40’s ass and show everyone how it’s done.

I’m truly not afraid of getting older. In fact, it’s a treat and a treasure to have the privilege of experiencing it. I do hope I get to hit at least 90…. And when I do, I’m letting my inner Crazy Old Lady out to play. Of which I mean saying hugely inappropriate things,  smacking hooligans with my cane and wearing the most outrageous clothes I can find. My kids will shudder but my grandkids will say Nana is such a HOOT!!!! Oh, and I think I will take up smoking again when I turn 90. Yep, a cussin’, wizened, wrinkly, wise-assed old bat with a smoke hanging out of my mouth. Yeah. That’s my goal.

But as I am still nestled in the 30’s, I am consistently horrified and amazed at the subtle things my body is doing while entering this stage of my life. I can no longer focus up close, therefore rendering the task of shaving my armpits a guessing game at best.  I have the beginnings of a wattle. (Really, I sort of gagged when I typed that.) My eyes have decided to become a bit crepey around the edges. And apparently my love of purses has been taken literally by my face, as I am starting to show bags under my eyes.

But the worst and most surprising of all isn’t the wrinkly bits on my face, nor the couple of “liver spots” I have on the backs of my hands. It isn’t even the grooves on either side of my nose that seem to deepen every time I look in the mirror.

No. It’s the wrinkles above my kneecaps.

I wonder why my kneecaps have wrinkles? Is there a knee cream I should buy? Oil of O’Knee? This is a cruel joke, I think. I do my best to stay in shape. I eat right (most of the time),  I practice yoga, I meditate, I run, I bike.

I totally get that my face will show my age. But I was completely blown out of the water when I realized that the rest of my body will too…. Yes, ladies. Wrinkles do not stop at the neckline. Like that stupid energizer bunny, they keep going and going and going….

The only thing that allows me some reassurance in this whole getting old business is one thing.

If I have to get old, then I’m taking all you bitchez with me. And we will be in this together.

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10 responses

20 11 2009
rhaya

Oh Kris…you just made my Friday!!! I just laughed so hard I have tears in my eyes. Thank you, and yes, I’d love to come along for the ride.

btw, can we smoke together at ninety? 😉

20 11 2009
Kris

I can picture us smoking together at 90, no problem!!!!

BTW, I think we’re all like fine wine… getting better with age… Love you!

20 11 2009
LORI

Hey Krissy…. you know what’s crazy here about getting old?

It is something that Noni told me..( like what feels like a 100 years ago now). She said..” you don’t have to worry about the whole getting old thing with the wrinkles, and sagging etc. BUT…ya do gotta start worrying when ya find a grey hair and it ain’t on the head”. if ya know what I mean… I always thought that was such a funny thing she told me and I will never forget it.

But … you know, she was right… I found one…. and I still don’t FEEL old… just looking that way!

20 11 2009
Kris

I can picture Noni saying that… LMAO… Well, I guess the carpets should match the drapes no matter how old we get…. 🙂

21 11 2009
Kendall

Hahaha!! *snicker* Oil of O’Knee… good one! I always said when I’m old I gonna eat all the damn chocolate that I want and now I think I’ll add smoking with you and Rhaya to that list!!

And Aunty… that is to effin’ funny what Noni said… I can totally see her saying that too!! *giggle* Carpet match the drapes… Oh Lordy!

21 11 2009
Kris

Really, if we can’t laugh at this whole process, we just might end up crying….

24 11 2009
kootnygirl

My body started to betray me in my 30s. Injuries! I’d never had an injury in my life. Now I’m hobbling around on bad knees and torn ligaments. Ugh.

And yet, the thing that’s really hard on me (now that I have inched well into that next decade) is the wrinkles on my face. I discovered the frown line yesterday. I’m sure it has been there a while, but yesterday was the first day that I actually SAW it, kwim? And it was horrifying.

You go ahead and smoke when you’re 90…I’ll be the chubby one over in the corner stuffing herself on cheese and bacon 🙂

24 11 2009
Kris

Ooohhh, can I have a bite???

24 11 2009
LiLu

I think I’m going to let my “Crazy Old Lady” old to play at 30, just for shits’ngiggles. 😉

25 11 2009
Kris

That sounds like a great plan.

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