The Shiz My Kids Say….

8 10 2009

One time, when my son was about 4 and my daughter was about 2, we were heading home from a long day in town, where we had been doing some sort of family thing. The Hubs and I were tuckered out, and I for one, was ready for a glass bottle of wine to make me feel lots better….

The kids were starting to bicker in the back seat. Ah. How absolutely mind-blowingly motherfuckingly EXCRUCIATING to listen to your 2 small children fight about such matters as “She looked at me” or “He said poop”….

Hubs gripped the steering wheel tight and took it upon himself to threaten the children with a good ol’ fashioned spanking if they kept it up… (note for parents-to-be or Judgy McJudgersons: we have never spanked the children, but it’s ALWAYS awesome, and totally acceptable, to use as a threat especially in dire situations such as these.)

Silence grew from the back seat as the children pondered their Daddy’s giant hand smacking their teeny (and cute, IMHO) bottoms….

My son, after a minute of said pondering, crossed his arms indignantly, raised his chin defiantly and said in a loud, disgusted and clear voice…. “ASSHOLE….”

Lordy, let me tell you, The Hubs had a really hard time driving while trying not let on that we were both inundated with a mad case of the Giggles…. Snorts and muffled guffaws followed….

His execution of the word, with his tone and deflection, and topped off with the arms crossed, was absolutely perfect....

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10 responses

8 10 2009
Connie

*coughing and snickering under my breath* How inappropriate!!!
Love it!

8 10 2009
Kris

I love it too!!!! Kids make everything worth while…..

8 10 2009
Jodi

Love it….that is a story that will be remembered. I can imagine you as a very old, but still hot, old lady, reminiscing about your children’s youth…..I remember when…..(and the grandchildren will say something like, wow, you drove cars???)

9 10 2009
Kris

We are so gonna rock our old age…. You, me, some drinks and our jet-packs. LOOK OUT!!!!

9 10 2009
BigSis

Love it. Incidentally, stories like that are always so much funnier when it’s not my kid with the potty mouth πŸ™‚ (Ball sack is his insult of choice as a 4th grader – yikes!)

9 10 2009
Kris

Their potty mouths have been inherited from their Ma…… Yikes!

13 10 2009
BigSis

Thankfully, I know “ball sack” did not come from me πŸ™‚ If you email me I will send you my good reads info bigsis75 (at) verizon (dot) net.

13 10 2009
Kris

OK, I’m doing that right now…. πŸ™‚

9 10 2009
LiLu

OMG… if only you had it on video! Haha!

9 10 2009
Kris

I know….. It would have killed over at YouTube….

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