The Hypocrisy of (Monthly) Vanity….

19 01 2009

Sometimes there are days when I look in the mirror and think “Allright Mama… You got it going on. Not too shabby for almost 40….”  My eyes are sparkly, my skin is clear, I feel good about my inner and outer self……

These are the days that I can accept my flaws with love in my heart. I can overlook my imperfections with a shrug, knowing it’s these very flaws and imperfections that make me human and make me exactly who I am.

And then there are the other days…. The days when I look in the mirror and can’t for the life of me figure out how a troll like me could produce two cute kids. These are usually the days that there is a torrent of evil hormones coursing through my veins like possessed lava.  Hormones that can skew normal judgement and reason.  You know those sort of hormones, don’t you girls? When the slightest speck of dirt on the floor or misdiagnosed comment about the laundry from your husband can and will send you into a torrent of tears and insane rages. Personally, I fantasize about my favorite frying pan meeting his face at about, oh, say 175 miles per hour…. Those also happen the be the days when I want to channel my inner New Yorker and flip the bird at some innocent little old lady shopping in Wal-Mart for her favorite cookies to give to her loving grandchildren simply because her cart happened to be put right in front of me just to piss me off was slightly in my way. These are the days that I marvel at the gross injustice of getting wrinkles AND zits at the same time. Seriously. What. The. Fuck? Slight smile lines are forming deeper grooves, all the while red spots are sprouting along my chin, making me look like a cross between a withered hag and a dorky teenager. I can live with the wrinkles. I get it. I’m aging. But pimples too? It’s all a bit disheartening, isn’t it?

The answer for me is time. Wait a couple days…. Wait until the torrent of rage is abated after the hormones level off. Wait until I become sane once again. Then, not only are all little old ladies shopping in Wal-Mart safe once more, but I can then usually see the beauty within and upon me.  Then I can, once again, love those laugh lines and grooves and etches of experience upon my face.

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6 responses

19 01 2009
kendall pols

You nailed it… down to the perfect detail… I have those few days a month where my fantasy is beating the loving piss out of my hubby with the biggest smile on my face… knowing at that moment… I would experience pure ecstasy… ahhhh… hormones… ya gotta love ’em!

19 01 2009
Ronda

Hey Kris… that is just way to funny! It’s strange how all us women can totally understand every word you’re saying… thanks for the laugh… it was perfect. I’m feeling a bit down today – my baby Noah’s first birthday and I’m missing it and him terribly… have been pretty teary eyed all day. So thanks for the lift… now it must be winetime… that will help to!

Keep up the great writing, I love it!!!

19 01 2009
Raven

I feel like some days I have awoken to a life that just happened way to fast. What would they do if I just packed up those bags and left? what if the next move was just for me. Then I think how lucky I am to have all this love in my life. Yes, my body definitly doesn’t always work the way I want it to, but like you there are days I feel beautiful in my skin. I have realized my patience is a issue I will always be dealing with. For when I let the crazy day fade, the next is new and open. Time seems to really good while in the moment, but you take a break and it makes me sad sometimes. I’m there with you Kris. The older I’m getting the more I understand myself but the more I look back too. At least we are all going through this as moms and women. And it’s hard always being beautiful, I think that drink always helps!

21 01 2009
rhaya

I feel like you snuck into my head and stole my thoughts! Aging is a cruel joke Kris, plain and simple. Zits & wrinkles!?! Who would a thought?

24 01 2009
Jennie

new post! I’m a very demanding reader….:)

31 01 2009
Lesley

You mentioned somewhere( your list of 25 random things?) that you have always wanted to write a novel.I have too, yet find the idea of one continuous story to be alien to my experience of life. For me inspiration reveals itself in snippets of insight and revelation that come, share their gifts with me and float on. Anne Lamott inspired me with her style of short anecdotes that were connected and yet complete on their own. This blog reminds me of that…You capture those moments of wonder really well… I would enjoy reading these thoughts and reflections of yours in book, baby! Get published! You are a writer!

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